Yes, the roommate blog will continue. No, fruitsnacks don't count as dinner.

Hello hello hellllllllll o. Technically this blog should stop because Allison and I are no longer roommates. Because I killed her. Literally. ...but it will continue. "No use crying over spilled milk"

So, before Allison died, I went to her apartment because it was pride night. I've noticed for not being gay, we go an awful lot of gay clubbing. Wheird. But hey! It was okay this last time because it Was Pride Weekend. Annnyway it was a great time, a night of surprises if you will. During the tranny show/whatever you want to call it, Allison got raped by a girl in the middle of the crowd. Ahhh c'mon gay guys, just because you don't like girls doesn't mean you can let them rape each other! Manners!

No, she didn't Actually get raped, but my sources tell me there was a lot of face stroking... :/ Probably the girl couldn't get enough of her boobs.

• Side Note: ALWAYS assume people are writing statuses on your logged-in Facbook page. Poor Sarah.

I am a GREAT weehole (weehole = wing-ho = wing-woman. Don't ask why). Saige, Eden, Sarah, and Liz, however, are not. Now, I would have saved her from this traumatic experience, but I was busy with some stuff... Just so we're all on the same page here; it's still considered an empty stomach if you ate 2 packages of fruitsnacks for dinner. Who would've guessed? Not me. No worries, by the end of the night all was fine, sprained ankles and all.

Here's a question to ponder late at night: Why. WHY do all the hot guys have to be gay? Oh wait, because we were at a gay club. Maybe we should try REAL clubbing? Just a thought.

After DA club, there was a sleepover at Allison and Paige's. I'm still a little bitter I wasn't allowed to sleep in Paige's bed with her and her boyfriend. IT'S FINE. I guess it would've been kinda awkward anyway ...for them. Nope, instead Allison and I facebooked for quite a while, then chatted late into the night about deep things like philosophy, boobs, etc. What a Friday WHAT a Friday, my friends.

And that was Pride Weekend!!! Not counting Saturday or Sunday, which I have no more energy to write about. If you Really want to know, talk to Allison about it.

Ohhhh shit, YOU CAN'T because she's dead.

Oh Jesus...

Good morning/afternoon/night/riddance/grief. How are ya’ll doin? School has ended, summer is beginning, and I’m moved into a new-ish apartment with the one and only Paige. Daley should just come live with us. And Saige. And Liz and Sarah. Just everyone. Not seeing all these kids every day sucks. But it’s time for new beginnings, right?

Since moving in Paige and I have had many adventures. I don’t think we understood how much work an apartment required to look good. What? We don’t just throw in some furniture, eat some cereal everyday, and call it good? Here is the story from the beginning:

In the beginning God created the broken windows and greasy cabinets. The apartment was without furniture and smelled kinda funny, and darkness was upon it because of lack of lightning. And God said, “Let there be light”; and there was a lamp. And God saw the lamp and it would do ok for now. (Skip the part about light, dark, day, night, land and water). And God said, “Let the parents bring forth food, drink, and paper towels in which the kids can use and live from.” And it was so. On the third day God said, “Let Daley, Paige, and Allison sleep on the floor and watch ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ from a laptop.” And it was so… uncomfortable. On the fourth day God said, “Let there be a struggle to get a couch, two beds, a bookshelf, and a dining room table up the stairs.” And it was so. And God saw it and it was funny to watch. On the fifth day God said, “Let there be a cool chair so large that it will not fit in a Honda Civic but instead cause frustration to the masses. Oh and let it be raining too.” And it was so, and it sucked. And God saw this and broke the chair. Later, God created IKEA. And God said, “Behold, cranky people, Swedish furniture, and a food court all in one place. I have given you every kind of dresser, in every color, a plethora of chairs, in which you shall sit after building. And I have given you really good cinnamon rolls.” God saw everything he had created and it was profitable and good. On the sixth day God created a chalkboard wall, DVD player, and toaster oven. And they were good. Thus the apartment was finished. And on the seventh day, Allison got crabs from Saige. God saw the ugly creatures and regretted putting them on the ark.

That about sums up the first week of moving in. And all this with no day of rest. Not trying to one up the Lord Almighty but…

Paige and I are actually really enjoying our apartment. Every day there is a new and exciting thing to discover. No hot water, a broken mail key, dead plugs, and shoddy craftsmanship on the windows just makes us grateful for living 30 minutes away from home. Oh and did I mention we don’t have Internet yet? I have gotten so much done without constantly checking Facebook. It is terrible.

Layton Police caught me ridin dirty (is that still cool?). I was disappointed in myself after handing my license and registration to the mustached cop. I was hoping against hope to only get a warning while accepting my fate until I saw the second cop car pull up. That’s when I got worried. What had I done recently? It couldn’t have been the dogfights; Jorge was cool he wouldn’t rat me out. What about that drug cartel I was apart of? Or the Ponzi Pyramid scheme? Oh shit it couldn’t have been that free cable deal I had going on… I was just getting ready to gun down the road and start my new life as Martha the middle aged quilter from New Jersey when the officer came up to my window and handed me my information back and a ticket for speeding. Really? Two officers for a ten over speeding ticket? Please. I was getting ready for my debut on Cops.

Until next time remember: never underestimate the power of boobs in a job interview… Sarah. The last Pirates movie is just as terrible as the last two. And just as long. Saige and I are master photographers. Sometimes homeless people walk around the library… Actually all the time. I feel like Daley and I are getting a divorce, who gets custody of the blog? 

Get out your Abercrombie polos, it's springtime.

Since freaking Allison blogged, I thought 7 of 50 would be out-doing myself ...but I'll do it anyway. I'll be honest, I used to always think blogging was kind of a joke. I still do. But here I am blogging, so what does that say about me? Speaking of jokes, let's say there is someone you constantly text because you like them and you think they you. Let's also say the ratio of texts you send to texts you receive is about 14 to 5. Let's also say this person constantly finds the longest, most out of the way routes to the dorms out of fear of having to see/talk to you. REALLY? Pleeeease, you need to leave them alone.

It is definitely Spring. Oh you want proof? My chemistry professor has changed his wardrobe from button-up dress shirts to short-sleeved Abercrombie polos. SPRING IS HERE! And with spring comes the end of second semester. There are many things I will miss about the living in the dorms:

• douches
• the lingering mystery smell of whatever the hell the suitemate makes drifting into our room
• listening to our neighbor Not get better at the acoustic guitar
• stinky hallways
• the neighbor's new sound system

Things I will not EVER miss, in fact, HATE:

• always waking up in the middle of the night to freaking Allison hovering over me watching me sleep
• "laaaadies"
• Sarah likes the cake in Matilda (fact: Matilda was Not adopted at birth)
• sheep with machine guns
• laughing at girls who fall out of cars
• "astronomers"
• Christmas music warzz
• Iron Chef nights AND DOMINATING EVERY TIME
• waking up with my face on our toilet :/
• turning our room into a theater
• the asian he-she, who is probably a she (lack of adam's apple)
• HP with fake nose rings

I am a very hateful person and this list can go on forever, dear readers, so I stop it here at "HP with fake nose rings".

I have a recent obsession with the wizard people dear readers videos. I may or may not have downloaded the whole movie and finished it within 3 days... Cool.

I leave you with the quote of the year: "Hey Ron, you look tired. Have you been tested for diseases?"

I want to change my name to Alli$on.

Am I the only one that struggles with doors? Either I'm pulling when it's a push or I neglect to open the door fully and end up running into it. I'm the person who enters a revolving door and forgets what to do. I also never know the appropriate time for holding the door open for someone. If they are 100ft away but walking fast do I stand there like a doorman and hope they tip? What if it's Sunday? So many factors. Oh and you know that awkward situation when someone is coming out of a door and you're going in? You do a little tango deciding who is going to go first then someone ends up pressed up on the wall holding the door open for the other person. Doors are an annoyance. If I had anything to do with it I would never leave my house or my WOW account.

Enough about doors. I think we can all agree that 11 sentences on doors is 11 sentences too many. I realized today that this blog was created for the use of Daley and me to chronicle our adventures in college as roommates. There is one problem though, this time next week we will no longer be roommates. What will become of this blog? I know a lot of you are asking "Will you be there?" (not like the Michael Jackson song Daley and I recently rediscovered from our Free Willy days). Calm down Saige, Daley and I will continue writing at random intervals so you can continue to kill time while waiting for the doctor or at a wedding. Once a roomie always a roomie. PROTECT THIS HOUSE! And by 'house' I mean 'blog.'

This last week Daley, Liz, and I participated in a bike parade. We dressed up and won 3rd place ($40 to Dodo's HELL YEAH). Here is the picture. It speaks for itself.

Al, Ernie, and Dale. We enjoy NASCAR, beef jerky, America, beer, and our hounds. 

So since the end of my freshman year is approaching fast, let me take a minute to remember the year that has passed. Let's get to it.

Met Daley (roomies at first sight). Went to Target at midnight with my new friends Saige, Paige, Sarah, and Liz (didn't realize they were terrified of me). Saige saying, "All I can think about is vaginas." and deciding to start a Dictures album to capture all these moments. Going to She & Him with Daley kins and Talia. Realizing how much I dislike the suite mates. Buying coloring books at Smiths. Going to football games... correction: going to a football game. Realizing that I live in the shit hole of residence halls when Daley and I saw a couch in front of our dorm and someone peeing on the corner of the building. Tuesday night movies with all the cool kids (matinee prices ALL DAY). DI runs for POWER TEES and of course POWER TEE Thursday. Bananagrams and other games with the cool kids minus Saige. Tagging Sarah and Liz's car and saying they are "sooooo DTF." Limeade before the gym, terrible idea. Starting a blog with my favorite roommate. Harry Potter talk. Rules of the room. Playing quidditch.. on greek row. BUENO BUENO BUENO Dorm Mix! Saige being a Chaige all day long. Pumpkin carving contests and Sarah ditching out. Rocky Horror Picture show. Orch Dorks 4 life. Christmas/Hanukkah time. Christmas cards, secret santa, and red-eye remover. Season of the Bitch. Daley downloads porn. Light shows, coffee, and country capitals. Dance party in Provo at the OZZ! Festival of Colors. Making giant cupcakes that break and are overly pink. Lip-synching videos and realizing I don't know the words to any Celine song. Apartment hunting with Paige. Chemistry with Daley and Paige. Bike Parade and being the best rednecks we could be. Sushi for Paige's birthday and having our cake and eating it too.

I know I'm leaving out a ton of stuff but I think we all get the point.

I'm going to miss these kids. 

I can't think of a clever title so let's just dive right in...

I write today to address a serious issue that I’m having. I don’t know how many of you have been afflicted with this terribly wonderful website but I know that it takes up 95% of my time with the other 5% being sleep time. StumbleUpon. It’s a slippery slope and once you start stumbling you can’t stop (hence the stumbling) and the worst part is there is no anonymous support group like those alcoholics get. This problem is seriously contagious. Spread mainly through word of mouth and posting, StumbleUponitis can be spread to as many as 400 people a day. This number is of course dependent on how much you talk to your real life friends and how much you spam your Facebook friends (which are not real friends, Chris Hansen will tell you that). It’s a problem reaching the level of epidemic right next to poking and tweeting.

Have you ever caught yourself staring off into space and that space happens to be occupied by a person… Who is staring back? Maybe this only happens to me. I sometimes get so wrapped up in my thinking that I forget that I haven’t blinked or looked away from a person in a good 2 minutes. I have been thinking of a solution to this problem for a good month now and the only one I have come up with is pulling a “That’s So Raven” moment. After you realize what you’re doing, blink several times, shake your head, and say, “Cory’s in trouble!” then run off. This may make you look crazy but it could possibly get you a TV show.

Lately there have been several people around campus tabling on behalf of various efforts. All these people have one thing in common; they want to talk to me incessantly until I listen. I’ve come up with a solution to this problem too. Simply look at them and say, “I found Jesus. Have you?” Being at the U campus this would work about 85% of the time. If you are at a liberal arts college expect this to work almost 100% of the time but also expect to have very few friends. And if you go to a private institution (BYU) don’t even try this tactic. Just listen to the people or pretend you’re deaf. Of course knowing those over achievers at BYU they are probably all fluent in sign language. You can also apply this phrase to a lot of situations in life such as when you are at McDonald's. ("Do you want to Super Size that?" "Let me answer your question with another. Have you found Jesus?") God forbid you would be at McDonald's but I'm just spit balling ideas here. 

Daley recently had a problem with a certain suite mate using her shampoo. What’s the solution to this problem? Voice a loud phone conversation in the bathroom stating how the shampoo works great and that almost all the crabs are gone.

Daley and I need to go grocery shopping. We currently have Saltines, peanut butter, jam, sketchy drinks, and wontons in our refrigerator. So if you have a good recipe using those ingredients please let me know immediately! We probably have a couple mints somewhere too so keep that in mind.

For those reading, please refrain from having an album on Facebook with the title, “Me!” or “Just Being Me” or “pIcS oF mE!!! :)” or any variation of that those. It’s your Facebook. We realize that you will have pictures of yourself. You don’t need to be so conceited to have 174 pictures of yourself in a bathroom, in a mirror, with your friends cropped out, or showing off every outfit you own. No one cares. It’s almost as bad as writing a blog. Almost but not quite. 

And now for the grand finale! I hate when people use those damn headsets to talk on the phone. Especially in the library. People need to stop complaining about Utah weather. Mostly because the subject is taking over my News Feed and makes it hard to do some serious Facebook stalking. I feel bad for Rebecca Black. I think everyone forgets she is the scapegoat for the dumb ass who wrote the song and auto tuned it (if you don't know what I'm talking about see the "Friday" by Rebecca Black music video). And she is like 14. Making fun of a 14 year old is pretty rude. Pick on someone your own size like Ke$ha. Sometimes I complain about things and call it a blog. Without me what would you have done with the last 5 minutes of your life? Have a wonderful day and leave the library to talk on your phone.

Four score and seven years ago... I blogged.

Alright it's been a long time since I blogged. I'm not going to lie when I started typing in the address of the blog I had to sit there and think about it. I couldn't remember how to get here. Where have I been? More importantly where has Daley been? This is when she is supposed to step up. No matter. I have been busy with school and life in general. Also catching up with Survivor and Biggest Loser. Who doesn't enjoy watching people competing while losing weight for money? Which is essentially what both these shows are about. I'll quickly catch you up on some of the more important things that have happened in the last month or so. Ready? Here we go.

School, meetings, remembering that C's get degrees, sickness, gym clown, meeting new people, making new enemies, burning bridges, contacting people, volunteering, hanging out with friends, polar bear shirts, St. George, night adventures, finding a cure for procrastination (in progress), labs, labs, labs, getting lunch, golf, Facebook stalking, Rango, "I'm sorry do I know you? Cool.", coffee, a permanent fixture, keys, Ucards, and red beards, oh my, Mermaid Baby makes me want to have their babies, wait what?, self portraits, Cedar City Crew, parties, baby sitting, child sitting, but no adult sitting, lettuce discuss religion, in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, then raging waters, then the wave pool, and that my friend is how babies are made.

Any questions? Yeah I have some too.

1. Why is Saige always a mom and pressuring me to write? I'll write when I want to alright? Love you Saige.
2. Is country music good? SPOILER ALERT No.
3. Why did they build a playground on a fault line? Kids don't love faults.
4. Wanna come over and fold my laundry?
5. Why do people put so much stock into Facebook updates?

I'll address the final question now. Really though people. The Messiah himself is not updating Facebook.  Contrary to popular belief, Facebook is not the know all tell all source of information in the world. Although, it is getting pretty close, just right behind Wikipedia. This is a legitimate conversation I heard on the shuttle:

"So, like, she was in a relationship with Brogan on Facebook one day then the next day she was like single then the next day she was in a relationship again but it was complicated. So like are her and Brogan still together?"
"I checked this morning and she was single again."

What the hell? First of all, Brogan? That's asking for your kid to be a Bro. Second of all, whatever happened to phone calls? Just the call the bitch up and ask her. If she is willing to post her life on the internet I bet she is willing to have a five minute conversation about Brogan.

Don't get me wrong, I am an avid Facebook user and would probably be much more productive without it but it gets a bit ridiculous. Updates can be the worst. I found out that you can block people off your wall feed. This is great because then I don't have to deal with that awkward moment when I delete them and then they try to add me again and I click the "not now" option giving them false hope for the future. It's a vicious cycle. How do you decide whether or not to block someone? If they do one or more of the following things they may be a contender for being blocked:

1. They update their Facebook status more than 5 times a day.
2. They play Farmville.
3. They invite you to a "FlOwEr HeAdBaNd PaRtY!!"
4. They have more than one mirror picture in an album entitled "Me!"
5. They use the word "niggaz" in all their status updates.
6. Their name rhymes with Paige Moddin.
7. They have a blog.

These are just some of my criteria but you can make your own.

For those of you who maybe read my Christmas blog or have seen my dog Cooper you know that he is a little strange. And it has now come to the attention of my family that he is probably going to be a midget.  I want to get one of those handicap parking passes for him. Mostly for me though since he can't drive at all. 

See that studly man hogging the foreground? That's my boy. Look how little he has grown. And Abby is in the background. She is pretty hot. 

Until next time do me a favor and get to your local coffee shop and hipster it up. Listen to some good music. Look at the stars and think of that homework assignment you didn't do. And most importantly, meet some new people and make them think your name is Thomas. 

Sometimes I forget what to write about.

Saige got mad at me because my writing has been so sporadic over the last couple of weeks. You know what I had to say to her? A few choice words that would make my grandmother gasp. But she is probably right. So here we are. The next episode of a mediocre life stuck in a routine of no sleep and too much work.

Last week wasn't very fun. Nothing jumps out in my memory that would be worth reading about. So I'll fast forward to Friday night. Liz, Sarah, Shae, and I decided to be hipsters and go get coffee in a local coffee shop and not that corporate-mainstream-bitch Starbucks. While there we quizzed Sarah on capitols of all the countries. She didn't fail. Not once. She is a machine. I'm a little scared of her. when we ran out of countries we decided to go to the Clark Planetarium to go look at the pendulum knock over metal dominoes and see a light show. The light show was called "Rock on Demand" so basically it was a bunch of 70's music set to light that would have been killer if I had been stoned out of mind.

After a nice Saturday and Sunday spent in Ogden I came back to Salt Lake, back to reality, oh there goes gravity. Oh Eminem. Anyway, I came back to a three hour study session with Paige for an infamous chemistry exam on Monday. I got an 89. Should have made it a four hour study session I guess. On Monday Daley and I caught the same bus back up to the HC when something funny/traumatizing happened. To set the scene I'll give some more detail. I walked out of chemistry lab and it looked like it had just been raining but clearing up, dark clouds, a little chilly, and puddles on the ground. I got onto the wrong bus and with the 15 minutes it took to get to the HC it had started hailing making the ground and grass a wet and muddy mess. So Daley and I depart the shuttle and start walking, cutting across the grass to save us all of about five seconds. Half way across the grass we both took a wrong step and started to slip. Daley, having years of ninja training was able to stay on her feet, I was not so lucky. I fell on my ass in the mud and Daley instead of acting like a decent human being sprinted away onto the sidewalk and proceeded to laugh while I got up, took two steps, and fell again. To be fair I was laughing hysterically too. By the time I got to the sidewalk I was covered in mud and all I had to say to Daley was, "Why did you run away from me?" To which she answered with more laughter. This is why we are roommates. Laughing at another's pain is what we love.

So after the snow-rain-hail combo shit that fell from the sky, the campus has become an ice sheet in some places. This makes for some very funny slipping moments. Whether it is someone I know or just some poor soul trying to get to class, I still laugh. Now I know what you're thinking, "Allison that's mean. Stop being a bitch." Don't worry people I'm sure karma will catch up with me someday. The snow also brings out the kid in some of the less mature students. I passed some boys today giggling while collecting snow and making snow balls saying, "We're going to get him so good." At least they are having fun.

College has forced so many of us to grow up out of the high school drama that we faced only a year ago. I can't say that it's a bad thing but I do miss being crazy. But then again crazy is the resulting factor when Erin and I hang out. College is different. In high school everyone knew I was freaking weird so it was forgivable when in class I talked out of turn or made a joke. In college if you talk during class you better have something important to say because if not then people hate you. People are so uptight.

Well it's that time again. Time to go to class and try to retain information while playing Angry Birds. I'll start paying attention one day. Maybe possibly. A few thoughts. Saige stop blaming your car problems on the fact that there are three people in your backseat. People who sleep on campus just make my day that much better. Lunch with Stephanie is always fun, even when it results in being late to lab. It's worth it. I miss the people in my life. Give me a call. Let's catch up.

Sex Poster. Go for the pizza, stay for the bra races. And card making. We all know sex cards are the best. Oh and the man on man in the upper right corner? Well we know the U's policy on gays.