Hey what are you doing back there babe?

Merry Christmas everyone! To those of the Jewish faith happy holidays! To those who are Jehovah's Witnesses... I don't have anything to say to you.

This morning I woke up to my whole family home. And when the family gets together things get crazy. My sister walked out on the deck today to call my dog who had just ran to the back yard and said, "Hey what are you doing back there, babe?" In calling the dog she also successfully creeped out our shirtless neighbor wandering around in his back yard. Should I be more concerned that Kels inadvertently hit on our neighbor or that he was walking around without a shirt on? Questions to be answered.

So last blog I wrote about how I wanted an Icee. Literally ten minutes after I submitted I get a knock on the door and there is Erin, Jordan, Kelsi, and Riley holding a Coke Icee for me. I could have cried from happiness. I have the best friends in the whole world.

Two days ago Erin, Jordan, Kelsi, Riley, and I decided to make a lip dub. For those of you who don't know what that is it's basically a lip-synched music video taken with only one shot. We did it to the song "Nobody But Me" by the Human Beinz just like they did on "The Office." It was so much fun. I want to do another one when I can actually walk.

Since I've been couch bound I have been watching an insane amount of movies. Today alone I have watched "How to Train Your Dragon" and "The Royal Tenenbaums." I love love love "The Royal Tenenbaums." It's my favorite movie of all time. Check it out if you haven't and if you have check it out again. I've seen it too many times. Or just enough.

Merry Christmas or your chosen holiday to everyone who is reading. Remember to turn off the lights, make a playlist, and get out and live.

We decided to raise Cooper as a Christian so it's his first Christmas. He looks like a Kangaroo.

In other news.

So Daley, Saige, Paige, Liz, Sarah, and I may or may not have made a Christmas card. And by that I mean we did. It's basically amazing. We all are good looking except Saige who had just gotten her wisdom teeth out. She looks stunning. We also did our Secret Santa exchange. All the gifts were good but the one I was given was the best! A survival guide in case gnomes attack? Come on. That is not only entertaining but useful. Daley is the best.

This week has been jam packed with fun and snowboarding. It's been great to get up to the mountain and not have to worry about school. Unfortunately I did something stupid this early in the season. I sprained my LCL. My knee is in a hinged brace and I'm out for 4 weeks. How did this happen you ask? Well you see I was just doing my normal double back off the cliff when something went wrong. I was about to land perfectly when a small child suddenly appeared blocking my landing. I either had to bail or commit murder so after much contemplating I chose the former. The result was a sprained LCL. Is this story true? Maybe or maybe not. But probably.

So I'm up for a month of doing nothing. Perfect time to beat Guitar Hero and Mario Kart on the Wii. Also a perfect time to read all the books I've been neglecting. But instead I'll probably just bitch and make people do stuff for me. Speaking of which I want a Icee. Now.

I don't have much else to say except the Lakers lost to the Bucks yesterday by 19. At home. I don't really pay attention to basketball unless it has to do with the Lakers being beat. Made my night.

Last words: spanish books are expensive. Did I call Daley just so she could hear me play Celine Dion? Yes. Christmas is 2 days away. Daley no longer has control of what time I go to bed, I stayed up until 3 bitch! And have a wonderful night/day depending on when you are reading this.

Oh and this was found in a children's class room under words that start with "o". So many things wrong with this. 

Totally forgot about the most important part...

While not studying for finals I made this:

Pride and joy right there. 

Brazilian Carnival.

Well it's that time of week again. Time for me to update the blog while Daley messes around and does nothing productive. Typical.

This week has been fairly uneventful. Finals and work have consumed my life. My sister Kelsey did graduate from Weber State Weber State Great Great Great. So that's pretty exciting. While at graduation I swear we sat behind a polygamist family. One guy with two girls all over him and forty (give or take a few) kids. Come on. What other explanation is there?

I did get to hang out with the one and only Katy Hunter. Which rocked. And her sisters Megan and Camille were there any they absolutely rock. We stayed at Denny's for hours then went to her house and colored pictures. Just like old times.

Last week marked the end of my first semester in college. It was a bittersweet feeling leaving the classes for the last time. Bitter because there was nothing more I could do for my grades and sweet because winter break is here. I use the word "winter" loosely because there is no snow and I don't have to wear six jackets to get the mail. It should be called my Daley break. Because that's what it really is. Come on mother nature bring on the snow.

The title for today's blog comes from the air freshener Daley bought. It's called Brazilian Carnival. Until now I had no idea carnivals could smell so pleasant. But according to Febreeze they do. Anyway, this air freshener saved our lives. The other day an RA was walking around the hall knocking on doors and looking for the source of marijuana, mary jane, pot, weed, or whatever you kids call it now a days. Luckily Daley had just freshened our room. The RA knocked and said, "May I step in and take a look around?" I couldn't decline. He took one step in and said, "This can't be the room. It doesn't smell like weed... It smells like... Brazilian Carnival." Ok that didn't really happen. An RA was really looking for the weed being smoked by some dumb shits on our floor but the second part was made up.

This week hasn't been terribly exciting. Hopefully my friends will help me to have a more eventful week (hint hint).  Until next time remember to listen to "The Prayer" by Kid Cudi. I'm addicted. Take a shot for me. That's how babies are made. The last few sentences of the blog are always random. Let's go ski.

This will be short.

It's the week before finals. Keeping up on the blog is not my top priority. However, I feel that I must write something to keep you people coming back.

Snowboarding season has officially begun! Will I grow the balls and start doing tricks? Probably not. At least not while people are looking. People need to understand that I'm not my brother and I can't do cool stuff. It's a fact of life. I've learned to get over it. Will you? Snow has been scarce so far and if it doesn't snow soon I will be making animal sacrifices to the snow Gods. Actually that's a little cruel... I'll be making human sacrifices to the snow Gods. Starting with Saige. Sorry Saige it has to be done. Take one for the team!

I've gotten addicted to Modern Family. It's really so funny. If you haven't seen it then you should go on Hulu and check it out right now. Modern Family is probably the main reason for my procrastination. But it's ok because it's so damn funny.

Next semester I will be taking Spanish. I am a little scared because college foreign language classes are supposed to be way hard. I do know a couple key phrases that would help me out in a Spanish speaking country:

1. Donde esta el bano?
2. Hablas ingles?
3. Donde puedo encontrar cerveza barata?
4. Me encanta el futbol
5. GOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
6. Daley es una puta.
7. Saige es un chaige.
8. Que hora es?
9. Estoy aqui para comprar marihuana.
10. Voy a tener el pollo.

These phrases could save your life one day. Whether you are captured by a drug cartel, deciding what you want for lunch, or making casual conversation you will use at least 4 of these phrases. I have personally used all these phrases in real life survival situations.

That's it for now. For all you students reading: good luck on finals. Next week will be better. Maybe.

Until next time, PROTECT THIS HOUSE!!!

All this shit... Can I say shit?

Bonus bonus bonus! That's right I'm writing for the second day in a row. It's great to be back to writing frequently again. Ok so two days in a row isn't exactly habit, sue me.

First class of the day was really dull. A banker came in to talk about global leadership and ended up speaking about debt, TARP, and power companies. Needless to say I didn't pay attention. My second class was a little more interesting because a guest speaker came. This was no ordinary guest speaker. He was a hippie. Like the kind you read about or see in those crazy films. It was the greatest. He kept saying things like trippy and groovy. Here are some quotes:

-"All this shit... Can I say shit?"
-"When was the last time you felt at one? I mean you've probably felt at 2, 3, or 4."
-"It's like a good hit of pot or an awesome shot of whiskey."
-"I'm no freaking Boy Scout."
-"Get stoned and watch Oprah."
-"Dragonflies are trippy animals. Have you ever looked at a dragonfly? It's like an acid trip."

I love the opportunities open to me through my education. I'm taking the Oprah one as a homework assignment. But he was a great guy. The class participation was greatly increased and there was a relaxed atmosphere even prompting one lady to say that her spirit animal was a squirrel.... So it got uncomfortable after that.

After my last class I left to go to work. Work is always fun even when the lady I work with is kind of weird and babies poop. I can't complain because at least I have a job. And I have to be thankful I'm not a CNA. Wiping baby ass is WAY better than wiping old people ass. No offense CNA's. Someone's got to do it. Just not me.

Tonight Saige, Paige, Daley, and I went to dinner than to the Tuesday night movie. We went to dinner at Zuppa's. Basically amazing until Saige literally spit water all over me. I guess it was kind of my fault because I made her laugh but still it went everywhere. The worst part about it is that most of it came from her nose. Great. Well we all got a good laugh from it. The movie we saw tonight was "Tangled." It was really cute and I always enjoy a good Disney cartoon. I'd mention what Saige said before the movie about Daley but I know that she would kill me and I would probably be contacted from concerned parents because of the sexual explicitness of the comment.

Driving home was an experience in it's own. I got called a gnome because of the way I talk when I shiver, we realized the dangers of crossing the street, I hurt Paige by leaning back too far, I found out who my real mother is, and Will Smith's daughter whipped her hair back in forth. Some advice to the young girl: It was cute the first time but the next forty times it got annoying. Stop. Whip lash is a serious medical ailment. Remember I said that when you have to wear a neck brace.

To finish up the evening we were walking through the frigid cold when Daley spotted them, about 10 deer running through campus. It was so majestic as they bounded by Chapel Glen... Then we saw the kid running behind them. It ruined the moment. He continued to chase them across Legacy Bridge and if they haven't gotten tired yet, is probably still chasing them. Got to admire his determination.

A special note to Sarah and Liz: you missed out.

It was something like this, only reversed. 

THE FIRST CHRSTMAS CARD OF THE SEASON IS HERE!!

I love Saige and Paige.

3 posts in 1 night??? You lucky kidz.

If Megan Klein were a peanut m&m...

she'd look like this: Sometimes the truth hurts.

Congratulations Mr. Y!!!! He successfully cooked the turkey without setting it on fire this year.

Thanksgiving was just great. I got to see the family, play some rock band, and win money gambling with the aunts and grandma. Realistic drawings are always nice, but can be hurtful when someone draws your zits... Kristin learned this the hard way when our 10? year old cousin drew a picture of her.

Annnyway after dinner I went to the Keffeler household in footie pajamas. No thanksgiving is complete without them. Yeah, me and Taylor did buy footie pj's at target in the little boys section and have been waiting for the right opportunity to wear them. And so what if we just sat on her couch and played angry birds for ...a while?

Friday sucked. After a failed salt lake house hunt, we attempted to make breakfast sandwiches. Breakfast sandwiches are not good if the only thing in them is undercooked sausage. But what could make eating nasty breakfast sandwiches/rolls and sausage better, you ask? Watching freeeeeaking Richie Rich of course! False. Richie doesn't make anything better. Unless you're a Richie fan? Anyway the rest of the night. drunk people. kinda funny. mojos. back to kaysville. home. ...facebook.

facts: creeps are creepy. Douchebags aren't intentionally funny.

And yes, it is true. One should not exercise, even for 15 minutes, when sick. Why? Because after your workout, in the locker room, you will feel super dizzy, won't be able to find the door, smack you face on ...something, scrape your knee caps, and eventually will wake up to a very concerned girl talking to you while you're wondering how you ended up lying under the counter. It was actually quite hilarious after I realized what had happened. But the day ended on a good note because I spilled cereal all over Allison's rug.

You're north of me.

Wow it's been too long. How has everyone been? Just kidding don't answer that. This is not your blog.

The blizzard of 2010 was a let down but the aftershock was much more impressive. We actually had snow accompanying the extreme cold and wind. So kudos to you God, Buddha, or your chosen higher deity, you showed all the complainers.

Driving. It's a curious thing that almost everyone experiences and almost everyone is bad at it. There is an unwritten driving etiquette that everyone must abide by. On the road, unlike in life, a simple apologetic wave of your hand can change the mood of the person you just screwed over. For example, some bitch cuts me off and just as I'm conjuring up some swear words to yell, she looks back and waves with a sorry look on her face. All is forgiven. It's the same for thanking someone. For example, if I take the time to put on my brakes and let you in line I expect a wave. To not do so is the highest form of blasphemy. I've been known to chase people down. One of most important rules is that if I'm driving on the freeway and you're driving a Toyota Tercel, you may NOT pass me. It's embarrassing to me and my car. Stay back near the semi trucks. Especially if you're license plate reads "tank." I speak from experience.

Last Thursday was Thanksgiving. Naturally that means the next day is Black Friday. TGIDWIR meaning, Thank God I Don't Work In Retail. I feel bad for those poor souls who have to work in the morning on Black Friday. I refuse to participate in Black Friday. It is what future generations will look back on in shame. It reveals the absolute lowest form of human compassion. If I have to punch an old lady to get the last auburn t-shirt, an xbox, and a microwave, I'll pass. I'd rather keep my sanity and shop online.

I saw two movies over Thanksgiving break, "127 Hours" and "Love and Other Drugs." The first was amazing. It's the true story of Aron Ralston and his survival adventure in the canyons in southern Utah. For looking at the same guy for an hour in a half it was amazing and brutal. The second was not as great. Two hours of Anne Hathaway's boobs got old. The story line was predictable. And there were just some really weird parts.

Today I went to the store with Saige, Daley, and Paige. We saw kids steal chips, we looked for cheese, and we contemplated over soap and chewy bars. On the way home Saige started saying I was north of her, which wasn't true because we were driving east but she kept insisting. Turns out Saige thinks she is the center of the universe. Then she fell in the snow. Karma is a bitch. When Daley and I got back to the dorm she spilled all her cereal saying, "I didn't know it was upside down... and open." This is what I have to deal with.

Daley had a health scare today passing out at the gym and probably scaring the crap out of a stranger. Walking around to find an asian passed out on the ground makes one question everything. I'm happy to report Daley is alive and well. All she needed was a good blow to the head and some wheat thins. Lesson of the day: never exercise when sick.

That's all for now. Until next time, get yourself tested, avoid snow banks, and drink plenty of water.

The Storm of 2010

I won't waste anytime and I'll just say it. Harry Potter was amazing. Sorta. Daley, Kristen, Nicole, and I went to THE sketchiest theater in the state of Utah to see this movie. Attached to the theater was a little kids amusement park. Perfect place for kidnappers. After buying fake piercings, convincing a lady they were real, and talking about old disney channel movies we sat around for two hours and waited in anticipation for the movie to start. Finally 12:01 hit and everyone went nuts as the familiar tune played. Kristen made this movie 20x better by laughing inappropriately at parts and yelling advice to the characters on screen like, "It's a trap!" It was great. So great that I went and saw it again with my sister Stephanie. She was privileged enough to sit by the biggest man in the theater and I was fortunate to sit by the girl who cried too hard at the sad parts and had a knack for predicting the movie. It's like she read a manuscript of the movie before it came out, or a book. Weird.

Oh by the way, the dog's name was a false alarm. Griffin was too hard to remember for some people so the name of the dog has been changed to Cooper. We'll see how long that lasts. In other new news I was appointed the Public Relations Director of the College Democrats. Which I think is a made up position but hey I'll take what I can get. 

Today there was a blizzard warning in northern Utah. The news was reporting that there would be record breaking snow and cold conditions and people were legitimately fearing a snow storm of apocalyptical proportions. My school was cancelled for the first time in my life. To get school cancelled in Utah there has to be a real danger of snow fall. For real Nevada schools get out for an inch, Utah gets 6 feet and the news station reminds you to bring your snow shoes on the way to work. So anyway, people were hyping up this storm to the extreme. When I got to Ogden I went to Erin and Jordan's house and it started. The Storm of 2010. Erin, Jordan, Riley, and I did many things to kill time. We played Sally Salon and NBA 2K11. Too much. Never start playing Sally Salon. You'll never stop. We also decided to make a documentary of the events that took place during the storm. The movie will hopefully be coming soon. After about four hours the wind and snow died down enough that I chanced driving home. The roads were better than a normal winters day. The blizzard was way too played up. It is very cold but the lack of snowfall had many people discouraged and disappointed that the blizzard wasn't as dangerous as initially advertised. Because people love dangerous storms. So all in all the storm of 2010 was a bit of a let down. Maybe the sequel will be better. Like Spider Man. 

Polar Opposites.

I am currently obsessed with Modest Mouse. Hence the title of the blog.

Yesterday while walking to leadership a girl came up behind me and said I should start wearing arch support in my shoes because I walk on the inside of my feet. I don't know whether to take this as a good tip or to just be creeped out. I'm going to say the latter. After sitting in class for half an hour the professor cancelled class because the guest speaker wasn't coming. Being stood up by a guest speaker? That's low. At least call or something. But it bought be an hour to do absolutely nothing so I guess it could be considered a win. After much debate I decided to go to my bad word class only to find out it was cancelled. College is a breeze. I don't know why anyone would have a hard time.

Today I had a third interview for becoming an orientation leader. It was a group interview with nine other people and we had to work together to solve a hypothetical situation. We were put in a room and surrounded by about 6 people from the orientation office taking careful notes on everything we said, needless to say it was a bit unnerving. The situation was we had to choose five out of ten people to be cut from a fake college. This one girl in my group got really into the assignment. I think she even forgot that is was a hypothetical situation when she developed strong feelings of hate towards one of the people on the list. Some people's kids.

Tonight Madison, Daley, Nicholas, Isaac, and I went to a Harry Potter party put on by the Harry Potter Alliance. The e-mail sent out about the event made it sound really amazing and gave me high expectations for the event. Upon showing up, however, all those expectations were shattered. First of all, there was no butter beer. Second of all, the "wizard game" was Jenga. Third of all, one of the raffle items was a tennis ball in a sock, or the snitch from our game of Quidditch we played forever ago. After about fifteen minutes we left kind of feeling sorry that the HPA probably spent more money putting on the event then they would actually make. We rode the shuttle back up and Daley and I were laughing so hard we were crying about this one kid riding the shuttle sitting next to Madison. I say kid because I don't know whether to say girl or boy. We then went to Cafe Rio and Nicholas made Mountain Dew out of various sodas and we saw a lady with a floor length puffy coat. Oh and I used the men's bathroom to avoid peeing my pants because the lady in the women's bathroom was taking her sweet time or she fell into the toilet. Either way I was mad because boy's bathrooms smell like pee. And there was graffiti on the toilet seat. Sketchy.

There are some kids playing guitar out in front of the dorms.  While resisting the urge to grab my cowbell and join in on the jam session, I listened to some of the lyrics. "Livin in the dorms. Chapel Glen 804. Nanana I'm a Halo whore." Something along those lines. There are also some people playing with the ol' pig skin (football as I'm told) in the hallway. Special people live in Chapel Glen. Really special people.

I feel like I'm a sitcom when I write.

I feel like I'm a sitcom because it's becoming a habit to only write once a week. Every Monday tune in and read whats new, exciting, and black. The downside of this is that no one gets voted off, there are no daring stunts, no one has to eat pig rectum, no promiscuous sex is going on, I haven't had to perform open heart surgery with only a pad of post it notes at my disposal, and let's be honest I'm no "Seinfeld". But it still kills time and provides a chuckle or two.

This week has been as exciting as the last. I started work and have changed more diapers in the last week then I have ever changed in my whole life. Kids poop a lot. It's annoying. GET POTTY TRAINED ALREADY. Jeez.

This week's movie was "Due Date." I must say I was throughly disappointed by this movie. Robert Downy Jr. spit in a dog's face and was almost too much of an ass hole to handle. And Zac Galifinakis (or however you spell it) was the same character he plays in every movie. It's like they called him up and said, "Bring the satchel and act exactly how you did in 'The Hangover.'" The guy is insanely funny but I want to see him in more roles like the one he played in "It's Kind of a Funny Story." That's just my opinion. Saige loved the movie. But Saige is easily amused by shiny things so we can't trust her opinion much.

I honestly can't remember what else happened this week. My weekend consisted of babysitting drunk people, seeing Bonneville's play "Hello Dolly", visiting with old friends, and hanging out with the damn family. Love those guys. We finally figured out a name for the new puppy. Drum roll please... And the name is..... Griffin! That was way too played up. I think it suits him though. Well it will over time because we aren't changing the damn name.

Tonight I went to the Jazz game with Conor, Saige, and Daley. What a fun event until they lost. But whatever we still had fun, got free hotdogs, and saw the best guy. He got on the Jumbotron 3 times and I think was either drunk or crazy. Or both.

I need to either start making up stories or get a more exciting life. Or start writing more than just once a week since my memory is worse than BYU's Football team (DIS). God I love pretending to care about college sports.

Some things to ponder until next time:
1. Will the "Let's Talk about Sex" seminar the HC is hosting consist of the awkward kids whose parents either didn't let them watch cable TV or who didn't have the balls to tell them about the birds and the bees?
2. Was that last sentence a run-on sentence?
3. Is there a sex scene in the new Harry Potter?
4. Is Daley really afraid of the dark? (Spoiler alert! Yes.)
5. Will the real Slim Shady ever stand up? Or decide on one name?
6. God how many times has that joke been used?

Come on Elizibitch let's go get Lucky Charms.

It's been way too long since I've last written. I apologize to everyone but I swear this week flew by and before I could write again it had been a week.

Let's see what has happened this week... Not much judging by the fact I'm writing these sentences to take up space and hopefully to keep you reading. I went to East High this week to present a leadership workshop to the student government class there. They have a men's croquet club there which is kind of weird because it's croquet... This isn't England. Be American, play baseball, and eat some freedom fries. Even though freedom fries were a result of France not wanting to help us or something, it's still American. I love patriotic extremists.

I volunteered at the U of U football game on Saturday and took people's recycling from them. I got yelled at by some guy when I wouldn't let him throw his cardboard in the bin. "I'm an expert at recycling! Are you telling me paper is not recyclable?!" He yelled as I tried to explain we were only collecting bottles and cans. People these days. Everyone thinks they are an expert at recycling. I almost scored beer until some students asked if they could have it while uncontrollably giggling. I remember my first beer. Oh and the U lost. First home game loss since 2007. Which sucks because now I'll have to hear about it for the next 9 weeks.

This week was my dad's birthday so my siblings, my mom, and I decided to get him a puppy as a surprise present. Steph and I went to a no kill shelter in Salt Lake and we were introduced to a 3 month old black lab. Let's just say we fell in love. He was perfect. So Saturday we carted him to Ogden and for the next two days watched him run around the house, scare my other dog, poop, pee, and sleep. But we still love him. Puppies are so freaking cute. My dad was super surprised and happy (I think) and Abby, my other dog, is still pissed. We still need a name fro the little guy though. So if any ideas come to mind, let me know!

Today I had my mom rush me to Salt Lake in the snow thinking I was going to be late to my first day of work at the YWCA. When I got there all they did was give me this giant binder of paper and they told me to read it and come back Wednesday. So thank you mom for risking life and limb to get me to work so I could get my binder. Your bravery is unlike any I have ever seen.

After sitting in my room, making popcorn, burning my tongue, writing a paper for my bad words class, and Facebook stalking, it was time for dinner. Tonight's dinner wasn't as prolonged as usual but just as eventful. Saige stole Sarah's phone (after I told her to, sorry Sarah) and it proceeded to get passed around the table right under Sarah's nose before ending up in a place few have ever went and survived. Saige's butt. Poor Sarah. I truly feel bad.

Oh I started working for the ChaCha search engine. I get paid 2 cents per answer! Big money big money!!! I get the weirdest questions. I think the weirdest one I've gotten so far is "How can I tell if my girlfriend has an STD just by looking?" That sounds like a solid relationship right there.

There isn't much else to say. Making my class schedule for next semester is a bitch. I miss my new dog. Music is my love. And that's how babies are made. Until next time. Do everyone a favor and don't procreate.

Is a 'knut' a thing in real life or only in Harry Potter?

I asked Daley this question while playing Bananagrams and it turns out a "knut" is a form of money in Harry Potter and the name of a polar bear. This polar bear named Knut has gotten so much attention because everyone wants it to procreate. I swear when a polar bear is born it has so much pressure from the world to have kids that it is no wonder that it can't perform.

It's been an eventful weekend. On Friday night Saige, Paige, and Liz came over to carve pumpkins. We put the pictures on Facebook and had people vote for their favorite. Coming in first was the cat pumpkin (pictured below) carved by our very own Liz. And coming in dead last was the chaige pumpkin (not pictured) carved by yours truly. Carving pumpkins is not my forte. After a visit from Daley and Taylor, Liz, Paige, and I went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. This is always an interesting event to attend. For those who don't know the Rocky Horror Picture Show is a movie made in the 1970's played every year around Halloween only to draw crowds, young and old, to come watch gyrating aliens and transvestites from Transylvania. The fun part about this experience is it is an interactive movie so at the beginning you get a goody bag and at certain points in the movie you use the contents in the bag to support what is going on in the movie. My favorite is when they are unwrapping a mummy on screen everyone throws rolls of toilet paper around the theatre and it becomes a giant war of TP.

This year instead of staying in Utah for Halloween, Conor, Morgan, and I decided to go to Colorado instead to visit our friend Nicholas and to attend the Utah vs. Air Force football game. To get to Colorado by 3:00 we had to leave Utah at 4:30 in the morning, or so we thought. Here is what happened over those two days:

Saturday 
4:27 AM-- Depart from Ogden on our 9 hour drive while listening to "Send Me On My Way."
5:28 AM-- We arrive in Wyoming and for 45 minutes talked about "Survivor."
6:53 AM-- Eat at McDonalds and encounter other die hard Utes fans heading to the game.
7:40 AM-- We look over to see one sheep standing on the road with no other sheep in sight. Conor starts singing that black sheep song.
11:07 AM-- We finally arrive in Colorado.
11:14 AM-- We do a "Friends Cheer" because we are two hours ahead of schedule! Sorta.
12:34 PM-- Sudden realization that leaving at 4:30 in the morning was all for none because 4:30-3:00 is ten and a half hours, not nine hours needed to reach Colorado Springs.
12:34-Rest of the trip PM-- In disbelief that we miscalculated the trip time by that much.
1:34 PM-- Arrived at destination of Colorado Springs. And spent about 15 minutes trying to find our damn hotel.
3:09 PM-- "That's a giant Dicks.... Sporting Goods." Oh Morgan.
3:47 PM-- Eating lunch in Colorado Springs surrounded by Air Force fans and if that weren't bad enough I broke my tostada.
4:31 PM-- Arrived at the football game.
5:22 PM-- The National Anthem was played with all the Air Force Cadets on the field. There were parachuters before and a flyover by F-22's (I think) basically the Air Force knows how to host a football game.
5:32 PM-- Saw Nicholas for the first time in 5 months.
9:47 PM-- Broke the rules to get Nicholas on the base.
10:53 PM-- Went bowling and for once in my life I was actually playing decent.


Sunday

12:24 AM-- Attempted to catch a bunny.

12:48 AM-- Snuck into hotel pool and broke my toe while climbing the fence. It hurts like hell and probably wasn't worth it.8:30 AM-- Wake up to Conor's alarm.
8:30 AM-- Woke up to Conor's alarm.
9:29 AM-- Eating at Village Inn with our Sicilian waiter from "Sicilia" right Nick?
10:34 AM-- Mini golf at the greatest mini golf course of all time.
12:13 PM-- Played 36 holes. Nicholas won, I came in second, Conor in third, and Morgan was honorable mention.
12:40 PM-- Dropped off Nick at the Air Force Academy.
1:10 PM-- On the road to home again.
3:14 PM-- Amateur storm chasers heading into the eye of the storm.
5:10 PM-- "I went camping and I brought with me a... Piece of fish." Conor lost this game.
7:09 PM-- My turn for driving the car was over.
9:31 PM-- Home at last and we actually did make pretty good time.

This weekend was definitely one for the books. Sleep deprivation, broken bones, and 18 hours of driving in two days all to see Nicholas and I have to say it was all worth it.

This is Liz's winning pumpkin. 

Abra-f***ing-cadabra. Oh you like that?

Some people take the path less traveled by while others take the course of least resistance. I, however, like to walk on the muddiest grass on campus. Melted snow + me walking = ruined Toms. I love my green Toms but it seems to be the time to retire them. I hope the kid in Africa, or wherever, who also got a pair is having better luck than me.

My major has been declared: geoscience with an emphasis in environment. So basically a shit load of school, no social life, and studying rocks with a bunch of other nerds. Yeah real life is turning out to be nothing like I expected. But I still LOVE it. Except the living with Daley part.

Today in my bad words and taboo terms class we had a guest speaker come and talk about explicit infixes, i.e. when you say fan-f***ing-tastic. He talked about how in some words it didn't work like in Utah and sofa. Then he started reading off words with the chosen explicit infix properly placed and asked us if the words sounded "correct." One example was for the word abracadabra. Right after saying "abra-fucking-cadabra" one girl started laughing at a slightly inappropriate level to which the guest speaker replied, "Oh you like that?" It was so creepy sounding that it had to be the title of today's blog. This is the stuff I learn in college. My parents are proud.

Dinner was crazy tonight. Since Halloween is fast approaching they had all sorts of treats like carmel apples, cookies, cotton candy (random), and other things to invoke a sugar high. They also had a full dead pig. Like head and all. I would have taken a dicture but I was too mortified to get close. As per our usual routine, Saige, Daley, Paige, Liz, Sarah, and I got our dinner then sat and talked for about two hours. During that time, for some reason, I knocked Daley's cup out of her hand and it spilt all over. Luckily it only had ice and a small amount of liquid in it, but I still feel terrible. I don't know what came over me. Even though it was a bitchy thing for me to do, we still laughed about it for way too long. I'm glad I have such a forgiving roommate.

Some things to know:
1. Don't drink the water in the fridge.
2. I'm a human calculator.
3. Chaige is an insult no matter how you look at it.
4. Power-T Thursday is cancelled until it warms up.
5. Daley has like six kids that live in our dorm. It's not healthy.

My mood ring is glowing orange. You know what that means? Sex.

The 25th blog calls for something special. Mostly because I forgot about the 20th so the 25th is the next best thing. Joining me today are Saige and Paige, or Spaige. They are only good enough to equal one person. I'll write first. Announcement to make: Saige and I said, "I love you" for the first time yesterday. Yeah we're kind of in love. But not really because she loves several other people but I'll take what I can get. Today I spent a lovely day at the Gateway with Saige. I met a girl at the Cookie Shop who said her nickname in high school was Mulan. I can't decide if this is a compliment or dis. Compliment: because Mulan is bad ass. Dis: Mulan was a man for half the movie. After buying cookies Saige and I shopped around then came back for dinner.

Today, Allison told me she loves me. FML
I don't really know how to tell her that I love teen mom more than her.....
I feel kind of awesome that I am the subject of most of the blogs though. So I might fake it for a few more months. We have decided to create a show "True Life: I have an Asian roommate." Me and Paige are more than happy to participate, because we have no idea what our asian suite mate's name is. We call her "the other one" instead of pretending to understand her. Because the other one is SO stanky and awful, we have created an organization for people to donate Febreeze to us so we can survive in this harsh environment. Today I created a sign that says "biohazard" leading to the bathroom so no one enters without knowing that they are about to die of anaphylactic shock. I came up with the idea that the six of us (Me, Paige, Allison, Sarah, Liz, and Daley) are going to find really horrible Christmas sweaters and do our hair like 80's soccer moms to get our pictures taken and send out a Christmas cards. Its going to be epic to put it lightly. So please contact us if you want one, it might be worthy of People magazine, but I don't want to brag. To the general public: I'm sorry I was such a douche today enough that Allison felt the need to take like forty dictures. In homage to Catfish- Peace and love, Chaige.

Wow Saige sucks. She will never write for the blog again. I have never felt more offended in my life. Not much else happened today. At dinner I threw ice cubes at Daley and one went into her ear. Also we talked about mood rings and how "sex" could be considered an emotion. And that's how babies are made. Right now Saige, Paige, Carly, Daley, and I are sitting in the dorm talking about the sick things like we always do. My friends are great people. Their influence will probably result in my many years of therapy and electroshock therapy but I think it's worth it.

Oh yeah what an awkward couple. Dicture.

God bless our founding fathers!

Snow snow go away come again when you're supposed to. In November. Leave October alone. If you couldn't guess it's snowing in Salt Lake. As I type there is a snowball fight going on outside. I think it's the douche bags vs. the tools, who will prevail in being the biggest morons? Who knows? Who cares? Now I love snow as much as the next person. But only when I don't have to walk to class and drive in it. But I shouldn't be complaining. I could be somewhere like Hawaii where they don't get to enjoy the bitter cold snow and instead have to brave the warm weather. Poor souls. I'll pray for you.

Tonight before going to the movie, Daley, Sarah, Liz, Paige, Saige, and I went to Zuppas for dinner. I love Zuppas. Their ultimate grilled cheese is absolutely orgasmic. Try it. We got outside and split into two cars because after last week we won't try to stuff 6 people in Saige's car again. Me, Daley, and Liz were in the cool car and Paige and Sarah had the displeasure of riding with Saige, that Chaige. As we were waiting for Saige to turn right at a red light Daley began to get impatient and honked her horn and yelled before finally rolling down and her window and inadvertently yelling, "GO!" at two tough looking gentleman about to use the crosswalk. We don't make many friends in Salt Lake. Saige then led us the wrong way down the highway and Liz and I freaked out because we thought we were going north and not south. Basically we were really confused and disoriented. We finally arrived at the theatre and it was snowing so we ran out of the car screaming and causing a scene because that's what we do, ya know? This is where the title for today's blog came from. I was yelling at Daley, "God bless America Daley just park the freaking car." So we started to think of other, "God bless..." terms. We went to "God bless George Washington." to "God bless our founding fathers!" It just seemed appropriate.

We got into the movie theatre took today's dicture in the mirror and made some inappropriate noises in the theatre before the movie started and other people arrived. Today's movie was "Catfish." The trailer for this movie makes it seem like a thrilling adventure of a hairy nerd and his friends. In reality, it's the monotonous and naive adventure of a hairy nerd and his friends. It was good, don't get me wrong, just not what I expected. I'd still recommend it to everyone because it is a pretty good and true story.

Upon exiting the movie I thought it would be funny to hit Saige with the first snowball of the season, unfortunately my aim could use some help and I accidentally hit Sarah. Sorry Sarah. The snow was really coming down when we were driving back to the dorms and Daley's car was having a rough time but he tried. This is when it hit me. Driving around the U campus in the winter is going to be hell, that is if hell froze over and was placed on a slope.

Bathroom dicture. Where the hell is Daley?

 

Why do you keep using black plates?

The last three posts have been titled with questions. Why is that? So many unanswered questions in the universe and there I go adding three more. Well I guess technically four if you count the one in this paragraph.

Sleep deprivation seems to be the theme of my life. My Sunday started at 1 in the morning with a late night trip to a friends house. Drunk people are always so entertaining so how could I not go over? After some sober observation I returned home and went to sleep only to wake up a few hours later to the sound of rain on the roof and a incoming text message. Conor was informing me that we would not be golfing on account of the rain. So what was I to do that day? WHAT TO DO? Sorry I got carried away. Why not a shopping trip with my second favorite pair of sisters in the world? First of course being Serena and Venus Williams. Sorry Steph and Kels I'm sure you'll work your way up the list... Someday. The day was filled with me following around my sisters, carrying drinks and bags, dealing with bitchy employees, walking in the rain, and running around Target's clearance section and finding, of all things, condoms. How reliable can clearance condoms be? Better yet who would buy clearance condoms? Sketchy. Don't be that person. Anyway, what did I get out of this day besides wonderful quality time with my sisters from the same mister? A grilled cheese from Sonic. I'd say that's a pretty good trade off.

I skipped math today, not because I woke up late, just because I was still in Ogden and I wanted french toast for breakfast. That's one downside of the dorms at the U, no kitchen to make some of the necessary foods for living such as french toast, toasted PB & J, pumpkin bread, and eggies in a basket. Although if I had the capability to make those things here I would probably make everyone insanely jealous with my amazing foods or burn down the dorm.

"Why do you keep using black plates? Black plates make everything look disgusting." Bryan is always the provider of some very unorthodox quotes, that's why we keep him around. "That cobbler looks like the nasty food they get at the buffet on Vegas Vacation." And he wasn't lying, it really did look that gross. Oh Heritage Center food, it could be better. Some people really like the food. Take Liz for example, sometimes she just can't choose what to get so she gets a little of everything.

Blood Sugar a little low? Dicture.

Underneath your bed?

Sorry for the two day wait my loyal readers.  To make it up to you I will tell you about 2 days of my life. I know, how generous of me. To mix things up a little bit I'll start with Saturday and move my way back to Friday. Now that is exciting.

At the crack of dawn I was awaken by the most annoying sound in the world, my alarm. Seven o clock had come to soon, as usual. It's like seven never heard of being fashionably late. That bitch. Anyway, I rolled out of bed and headed to my first service project of the day. For this particular service project the group I was with had to weed a nature park. The weeds we had to pick were the ones with those nasty pokey things that get on your shoes and bicycle tires and hurt like hell. So the whole morning was filled with the singing birds, the wind blowing, and me screaming out expletives in pain. When I returned to the dorm I got ready and went to volunteer at my second service project which was me collecting recyclables at the football game. It ended up being me standing in the rain asking drunk people for their empty beer cans. There were some interesting people there, one man talked to me for a minute then said, "I like the metal in your nose, it's cute." Thank you drunk stranger, whoever you are. I then finished my day by rushing to Ogden to see Mermaid Baby at the Basement. For those of you who haven't heard Mermaid Baby give them a listen, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mermaid-Baby/264864832242?ref=ts. They come highly recommended, by me.

Friday started out as boring as usual with stupid old math. Nothing exciting happened until I went with Taylour to the  Bonneville Girls Soccer state game. They dominated 2-0 to take the win. I'm way proud of everyone on the team they have been working hard all year and they truly deserved it. Shout out to Bailey, Kami, and Lexie for being bad asses. After the game I went to the University of Utah's Crimson Nights. It was Harry Potter/Halloween themed so there were slutty girls, half naked jocks, creepy kids, and people like me who decided to spare embarrassment and not dress up. Highlight of the night: I taught three kids how to reject and I wasn't even drunk.

So there is my weekend so far. Daley you have failed me again. But that's ok cause I'll give you another chance, but just one more.

Are we really out of wheat thins?

Today was a day filled with many emotions, as most days are, but today was different. I don't know how it was different, it jut sounded dramatic to say. So there you are.

One of the emotions for today was confusion. As I was walking to my third class of the day I passed a man crouching in, what looked like to me, a spiderman pose. But that wasn't what was strange the strange part was the fact that he was chewing on a mouth guard, wearing black sketcher shape-ups, sporting a pair of black mittens, AND crouching in a spiderman pose. This man is the reason they teach you about stranger danger in grade school. I have never seen anything quite like it in my life.

Another emotion for today was boredom. Is boredom an emotion? I do not know but this is my time to write so don't judge. Anyway, today during my Bad Words and Taboo Terms class we talked about taboo sentence structuring, in other words 8th grade english with bad words thrown in. So I decided to go on Facebook and get my fix for the day on Bananagrams. It's kind of sick how addicted I am to this game. It's like scrabble only it doesn't require any friends, therefore no competition. Which is perfect for me because sometimes I lose friends as a result of my over competitive spirit.

Dinner brought on a whole cornucopia of emotions which I do not care to share. Thanks Saige for that lovely opportunity. Love you buddy. Moving on.

I can't think of a better way to end the day then with a sad movie. Depressing movies always help me when I'm having an off day. Daley, Sara, Nita, and I went and saw "Never Let Me Go." This movie is another art film many of you have probably never heard of but should go see anyway. The film was portrayed in commercials to be a movie about a love triangle but it was much more than that. Ruth, Kathie, and Tommy are part of a special school where children are raised to be healthy and perfect, until they are used for organ donations in their 20's. I don't want to give too much away so I just recommend everyone go see it. The film was probably one of the saddest I've seen in a very long time. But so very good.

I can't end today's blog on a sad note. That would be contradictory to everything fairy tales have taught us. There should always be a happy ending, duh. So I will tell you what happened to me just an hour ago when parking my car. I pulled into the Sage Point lot, in other words, the lot that is the farthest away from my dorm, thanks stupid hospital construction. Anyway, I pull into the lot and park behind this little Civic. I put my car in park and am just listening the the last couple verses of "Moth's Wings" by Passion Pit when I look up to see the Civic has fogged up windows. I then see two heads pop up and look back as I turn off my head lights. Really though? Get a room. You're literally surrounded by rooms, this being the residential part of campus. And plus Civics are tiny, that can't be very comfortable.

Nothing turns me on like watching Teen Mom

Okay boy whose room is on the bottom floor, window right in front of the hc, your body isn't even that great. Either close your blinds, stop walking around in your undies, or go work out.

Annnnnnyway, above is a picture of Erin Cowley in her Halloween costume this year. She won't stop talking about how many guys it's going to get her at the Howl. Good luck Erin, good luck.

So nothing exciting happened today. WE (me and Ratchits) FOUND FRODO. A while back, me and Rachel met this guy who dresses Very well, and is pretty hot. Well he was hot that one time, but later that week, me and Allison were making our way to visit the kaysville krew when we see him on his vespa. Right next to Leo. "Why is Frodo riding a vespa?!" (or something like that) shouts Allison. Yes, this mysterious guy we've been looking for for weeks looks like Frodo. A very well dressed Frodo. So today through excellent facbook stalking skillz Ratchits has found him. Her dream man. Hopefully one day they will meet in person.

After chatting about Frodo, we decided to apply for jobs at the Energy Solutions Center. Selling Red Mango frozen yogurt. So next time you go to a Jazz game, you should look for me. Hopefully I'll be there selling you delicious frozen yogurt.

"Nothing turns me on like watching Teen Mom" -Saige at dinner talking about her love for the overrated Teen Mom.

Here is a new leaked ACT question I just found for all you ACT takers:
Me in a t-shirt is to "she" in a short skirt as:
a)Taylor Swift is to some skank
b)
c)
d)
all of the rest of the answers are not important. just know "Taylor Swift is to some skank" is the right one

Just spray some Febreeze on her.

Today was pretty monotonous and boring until the evening so let's fast-forward until then, deal?

Saige, Paige, Daley, Sarah, and Liz are always regulars when I blog and tonight is no exception. Dinner with these shmucks is never a dull occasion. It is usually supplemented with awkward comments from Saige and I and the reactions we get from Sarah and Liz, mostly Sarah. No subject is off limits at the dinner table. EVERYTHING is covered. Drugs, sex, alcohol, movies, boys, sex, classes, the mysteries of life, and most importantly sex. Nothing makes people more awkward then a conversation about sex. How many of you reading this feel awkward as a result? I'm guessing about 99.9% of you are, Saige being the exception. Enough about sex, if you have any questions go ask your parents or a doctor. Saige and I embarked on a long search for a brownie cake concoction that several other people had for dessert. Determined to find it, we made several rounds around the cafeteria before asking a random girl where she got hers. Triumphant in our search we began to eat only to find out that it was disgusting. Saige had the idea to put salt on it and finished her cake, and mine. I was not that brave or desperate so I stuck with the normal brownie. Bryan and Scott soon joined our table and the quote of the day came about, "I got shivers because I was so happy for him." Thank you Bryan Tello. You're always welcome at the dinner table.

Tonight is Tuesday which naturally means movie night. Venturing from our normal movie theatre, the group decided to go to the Broadway Cinema and watch, "Buried." Now many of you probably haven't heard of this movie. It's not exactly mainstream but none of the movies showing at the Broadway are, so we weren't quite expecting what was to come. Two hours of staring at Ryan Reynolds in a coffin sounds like a boring movie but it was actually very suspenseful. I was leaning forward in my seat, covering my eyes, and was in disbelief for most of it. You can tell how good it was by the massive anxiety attack Saige was having afterwards. The only thing that sucked about it was Daley was my date and she didn't hold my hand, not even once. What a bitch. But perhaps the best part of the outing was the crazy man playing the cello outside the movie theatre. He was also singing but I couldn't understand him so I won't try to reiterate the lyrics and I was going to take a picture but not even I'm not that big of a dick.

Upon returning to the room, I walked in the bathroom to find a massive amount of bubbles in the suite mates sink. I don't even know what to say about that. Also I sprayed Daley with Febreeze because she is stinky, but to be fair she was the one who suggested it. I have mentioned Saige's name in this blog 7 times. That's not healthy. I'll leave with this one last thought, can you teach yourself to be ambidextrous? If so, Saige would really want to know how because it would help her "social" life. The people at dinner will know what I'm talking about. That's 8. What a Chaige.

BUENO BUENO BUENO... Dorm Mix.

Hello and welcome to another installment of the blog. The coolest blog on the block. The bees knees of blogs. I'm done.

I noticed today while driving to Salt Lake that there are many terrible drivers roaming the roads waiting to cut me off. While flipping them the bird, I noticed that one of these ass holes was using his blinker every time he swerved in and out of lanes while seemingly trying to kill people. I thought to myself, "Wow what a courteous bastard." I mean really it's great that he let me know that he was going to pull an Evel Knievel the second before he did it. So to all those people out there I would like to say thank you and keep using your blinker because it's really helpful.

Daley and I went to the new Target today (oh and Saige and Nick were there too, but they don't matter) and we had quite the time figuring out what to put in our ultra secret dorm mix. You've heard of Trail Mix, but that's not nearly as cool as Dorm Mix.  And even Dorm Mix isn't as cool as "Bueno Bueno Bueno Dorm Mix." Daley's sister Kristen has been kind enough to make us several treats so we decided that we would repay her by making dorm mix. It basically consisted of several secret ingredients AKA anything we could find in our dorm. We are planning on marketing it to Target and Albertsons. So this would be the time to say, "Dorm mix is coming to a store near you."

Dinner time was eventful as always complete with loud conversations about vaginas, bad kissing, stupid movies, and awkward dreams. After about an hour we noticed there were more people coming into the HC but these were no ordinary people.  As the time passed more and more Daleys started to file in and Daley made the comment, "I feel surrounded." So we had to make our getaway. We retreated to the safety of Sara's dorm where we started in on the most epic game of Bananagrams I have ever played. Well it's the first time I have ever played it, but still. Pictured below is what I consider the best combination of words. Minus the fact that the second n in "inn" is a z but who cares.

Daley and I then ventured over to Kristen's house where we ate cake, talked about drinking, and Halloween. As many of you can probably tell, Daley and I are just too exciting. Don't be jealous, we can't help it. We were probably the cool kids in your kindergarten class.

I rock at this game. My mother will be proud.

Long time no see... or write.

Thanks Saige for kindly reminding me that I haven't blogged in a week. It's fall break. Give me a break, alright? And why isn't anyone getting mad at Daley? I always get mad at Daley. It's actually really good for my well-being. Like those Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul books only better.

So what has happened in the last week? Well... I became a Super Senior. And everyone has been giving me crap for it. I also went to the monastery. That's right. Field trip to the nun house. This is my life. Thank god for the rest of the schools getting out for fall break or I might have had to commit arson or adopt a dog to fill up my time.  Let's see I hit golf balls for the first time in a month, I went to Taco Bell with a Boston Terrier, I played Halo (and sucked at it), and I played Cranium (and rocked at it). Who would have known my extensive knowledge of Scrabble and my ability to spell "confetti" backwards would come in handy one day? Only in Cranium.

Today I went and saw Jack Ass 3-D. Penises (Peni?), poop, snakes, hitting, and breaking stuff all in the wonders of 3-D entertainment. Probably the worst idea of my life. My gag reflex has never been challenged more.

Halloween is coming up and while I will be on the road for both the 30th and 31st I have still come up with a costume idea. Hopefully I have some chance to execute this idea. NRA hat, cut-off DARE shirt, fake mustache, jean shorts, and still in pursuit of a Fanny Pack, I will be everyones worst fear: a redneck republican. A bonus would be being able to find a McCain campaign button. One can only hope.

Ok ok I get it.

The last post I made was about my view on gay rights. By putting this up on the blog I understand that I am airing my views and that also means that you guys are open to comment. But does this really make for a good blog? My original intention of this blog was to be funny so that's what I'll do from now on.  No more serious stuff. I leave that for Facebook.

Yesterday was my first experience with movie hopping. What an exhilarating experience. First we saw "It's Kind of a Funny Story."  I highly recommend this to everyone. It was so good and was pretty true to the book. I also recommend the book as I'm sure most of you have the ability to read since you are right now. We then saw, "My Soul to Take." IN 3-D! We had to take the glasses from the bin outside the theatre. I felt super weird. Can I just say I really hate 3-D movies? To me it just creates problems with my glasses and honestly I don't see a difference in the movie. Then we get the douche bags all over town who keep their 3-D glasses and pop out the lenses. This movie was... well... As good as stupid "scary" movies get. At many parts I couldn't tell if the intended emotion was fear or humor. So I spent most of the movie laughing and only very little jumping.

I also watched "Misery" yesterday. This is a movie based on the novel of the same name by Stephan King. And it's way good. Kathy Bates scares the crap out of me and the best quote from that movie, "You Cockadoodee Dirty Bird." Classic scary movies are the best scary movies and since it's October, I'm in the mood for some good scary movies. So if you have a good movie please leave a comment and tell me.

At least with hooks you can stab the rapists.

After yesterday's disappointing performance I am in high hopes that today's blog will be, as Daley puts it, muy muy bueno.

This morning I came to the conclusion that no one looks good running with a backpack.  Next time you're on campus just take a good look around and spot the runners and you'll see what I mean. It's just super awkward, not only for the kid running with a backpack but for the bystander as well.  It's right up there with public displays of affection and when you catch someone staring at you.

I began to notice that my environment teacher makes the same jokes like everyday. "Back when I was a kid, you know in the 1990's hahahaha." And no one else laughs. Another thing about that class is that the TA has a bad lisp and it makes it so hard to concentrate.  I went through the whole class today and took two lines of notes. It's environmentalists like these people who give the rest of us a bad name.

I walked into the Union today to wait for my next class and to people watch. As I sat there I witnessed a kid take out his phone, look around, extend it in front of him, and take a picture of himself. He repeated this process several more times. The whole time I just wanted to ask, "Want me to take the picture for you?" or inform him that everyone can tell what he was doing. He wasn't being that sneaky. I love when I go on people's Facebook profiles and see a whole album entitled "me" and it's all pictures of them either taking pictures in the mirror or the whole hold the camera above you, make the kissy face, and look up at the top of your eyes.  SOOOOO CUTE!

To take a serious turn today, for those of you who think I'm a bitch I would like to inform you that I helped a blind girl to the bus stop today. So you can all suck it.

In my bad words class I could have sworn a hobo walked into the class. Either that or he was a man I've never seen before with very strong hobo-like qualities. I mean the rugged, "I don't give a fuck" look works for some guys but definitely not him.  For the whole class I contemplated giving him a dollar but I thought it would be better to give him the benefit of the doubt. I also learned how to say "cunt" in spanish, cono (with a squiggle above the n). Isn't college just great?

The title from today comes from Daley and I discussing whether or not people who have no hands still get hooks.  I think you can see where the conversation went from there.

At the end of the day Daley, Sarah, Paige, and I were walking to the TRAX station from the lacrosse game when we saw a girl trip out of her car.  No one was going to pay any attention to it until Daley started laughing hysterically.  Needless to say, the girl noticed and I don't think she was very happy.

I love when our suite mates get drunk and talk about weird stuff in the bathroom, "Am I annoying? Am I annoying? Hey, am I annoying? I WANT TO GO TO BETO's!!!"

Remember how I blogged about the group of Daleys? This is our impression.

Huuuuuuuuok

As Daley memorizes facts for her midterm tomorrow I have decided to once again blog. Blog is such an awkward word and I feel as though I can't say it in good company.

Today I was approached five times to take a copy of the new testament on campus. I finally took one then asked the guy which church he was from, I like to keep a running total of how many times churches try to "save my soul."  The man looked very confused about this question and stuttered for a minute before spitting out the word, "Protestant." I don't understand how you can be confused about something like that.  At that point I should have probably handed the bible back to him and said, "Maybe you should give this a read if you're confused."  But alas I do not have the balls to do something like that so I just walked away. I then saw a group of Daleys taking pictures in front of the Union building. What is it with people taking pictures in front of pointless buildings? "Take my picture!"

Then math. Boring. Then the gym. Boring. Trying to teach Daley how to say the word "immunization." Slightly entertaining. Finally dinner. That was great.  Paige, Daley, and I started out on one side of the HC then when we got up to get ice cream we got our spots jacked by some ho's so we moved over to the other side.  And so did the old lady with the soup. We were literally stalked around the cafeteria by an old lady eating soup until Daley loudly stated, "That lady is following us!" At which point I think she got scared and left.

As for the title of the day, well Daley says "ok" weird.  It sounds like she is about to spit then she says the word. So she is just weird.  Today's blog has been insufficiently funny or entertaining so I apologize. Hopefully tomorrow is more exciting.

Daley is incapable of laughter, and we're both incapable of remembering things.

You know what's frustrating? Coming back from watching a movie on Facebook and trying to log onto Facebook and it not working. It's actually not that frustrating, I'm just a Facebook whore and I need my fix of online drama. If you couldn't tell by the context clues, I just saw "The Social Network" with Daley, Saige, Sarah, and Liz. But I'm getting ahead of myself. There was a whole day prior to the movie that really just sucked a big one.

Starting out the day writing an essay is never preferable. Starting out the day writing three timed essays is just cruel punishment.  That should be right up there on things America should get rid of, before Guantanamo Bay but right after ban on same-sex marriage. I've been all into the fiasco about LDS leader Boyd K. Packer and his very skewed views on gay marriage. If there is one thing I hate more than bees, it is sheer ignorance and lack of understanding towards others. Sorry to go off subject, but it had to be said. 

After a rather sobering environment class and lunch with Chaige and Charah, I went back down campus to bad words and taboo terms.  Today we learned about the history of swear words.  We discussed the word "cock" and when the class was asked how they thought the word meaning "male rooster" came to be known to mean "penis."  One guy then said, "Well they both rise with the sun. So they are similar there." Needless to say, this was incorrect. I stopped paying attention after that or I would explain the real history. 

Then came "The Social Network."  Tuesdays have become an unofficial movie night in my group of friends.  While the movies are always pretty good (with the exception of "You Again") the car rides there and back are always the highlight. From remixing the words of "Ridin' Solo" to predicting when "Pretty Boy Swag" is coming on the radio, it is always a unique experience and always good for a laugh.  

The title for today's blog comes from Daley and me having about 23 ideas for a blog title then coming back to the dorm and forgetting every one. And also Daley is just incapable of laughter. No mystery there.

The poster clearly says not to look up so what does Daley do? Dicture.

If your sexual preferences are questionable while dancing, you might be gay

this is the best picture i've ever found on facebook.

I'VE BEEN FOUND!! Tonight, I thought I was eating dinner with Allison and company, but actually I was eating dinner with her Polish boyfriend (the one who makes sandwiches). All white people look the same to me. THIS COUNTRY IS SOOO CONFUSING!

So, if any of you know Lyndsie Nielson, she is a bitch. She ran over my dog, like a speed bump. So sad, AND right in front of me?? Poor poor poor Miso. May he happily pee on all the dog heaven lamp posts. For constantly telling me how much they HATE my dogs, I got a lot of concerned texts/calls from mi amigos. You do love my dogs, so you can suck it next time they bark at you. Actually my dog is not dead. I'm just kinda weird and have a nonunderstandable love for facebook drama.

So, hip-hop at 24 fitness tonight taught by a man who loves Beyonce? I think so. "It IS a sin to dance to Beyonce, but there's nothing you can do about it" -instructor.

People watching is great. It's even better when they are trying to dance. The highlight of the class was when I would watch this guy, no, Man wearing a bandana dance with the stankiest face i've ever seen. He was either a good dancer with weird moves he'd add in or just had no idea what he was doing. Also, he was either gay or ...not? I contemplated this the whole car ride back.

All in all, today was a good day, except when my dog died. Ohhhh wait, that didn't happen. I just made it up because I think i'm funny.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! this just in: Lyndsie Nielson just facebook blocked me. I told you she is a bitch.

Mortal Combat vs. Street Fighter

Mother Nature has stopped being a bitch and finally she is giving us cooler weather.  I'd be cliche and say "I lOvE tHe RaIn :) <3!!!" But then i would be like every other lying girl on Facebook.  I don't mind the rain but it's not like I'll go absolute ape shit when the weatherman predicts 45% chance of precipitation.  Really I'm just happy it's getting to be fall.  Sweater weather.

I skipped math today. I had no motivation to walk through the rain.  I came back to my dorm and studied, so I guess that kind of cancels out, right?  If it doesn't it should. I then went to Sugarhouse Coffee to study which is where the title for today came from.  I was just sitting there reading and highlighting when a group of three nerdy teenagers come in and start discussing fighting games at the top of their lungs. "NO LISTEN! Street Fighter is so much better than Mortal Combat, by far. BY FAR!" First of all kids, you're in a coffee shop, people who go to coffee shops don't care about anything unless it's hip. Second, fighting games are not hip, not even when you yell about them. Third, everyone knows Mortal Combat is so much better then Street Fighter, dumb asses. Let me drink my over priced coffee and and eat my burrito in peace. I don't know what I was thinking getting a burrito with my coffee. That was gross.

From the request of someone who actually reads this blog I am going to list the rules of room 52225. Early in the year Daley and I made a list of rules for the room that we must abide by. The rules are:

1. No Saige allowed. Ever.
2. Don't touch my rug.
3. No friends after 9:30 PM.
4. Don't talk unless you're talked to.
5. Bedtime stories every night. NO exceptions.
6. No cell phones.
7. Don't touch my muffins.
8. Don't talk to the suite mates.
9. Get in a power-t or GET OUT. Power-t Thursday. Represent.

These rules are very important to preserve the harmonious nature of the dorm.

I love the people I ate dinner with tonight. To Saige, Paige, Sarah, Liz, Bryan, and that awkward kid who is just there... Scott or something... You guys are great.  And if anyone has seen Daley please let me know. It wasn't until half way through dinner that we realized she wasn't there.  She is a little Spanish speaking Japanese Ninja.

To all those people who read this blog daily I would like to sincerely thank you. If you have any suggestions, criticisms, or just want to bitch about something, please let me now.

She is my friend. Please help me find her.

Two Points for Honesty

This title has nothing to do with today's events. It is merely the song I am listening to as I type. So no worries, I'm not giving out points for being honest.  The truth is so overrated.

Today was a lazy sunday, as are all sundays.  That's why God made it the day of rest, duh. I woke up late, ate a pop tart, and missed Daley ALL DAY. Bad news bears. I did watch the girls soccer game today, they played Oregon State and lost.  But it's all good because I got to hang out with some cool kids.  Except this lady, a mom from Oregon, who insisted on putting her two cents in on everything we said.  She was also convinced I was a soccer player, even after I told her I hadn't played competitive soccer since AYSO when "everyone was a winner." Bull shit. There is always a loser, it builds character.

After watching "Freedom Writers" I then made my way to the library for a study group with the people in my leadership class.  Everyone in that class basically have the same views, except James.  James is the oldest in the class, a Vietnam War vet with a less then friendly opinion about the environment, believes that the world is around 3,000 years old, and maintains the opinion that Sarah Palin would have made a great president.  Let's just say James and I don't get along. So the 12 or so students and James collected in a small study room in the library.  Thinking it was sound proof we had loud conversations about leadership, only realizing it was not sound proof when leaving the room and being shot dirty looks.  Libraries are no longer meant for silence anyway.  Silence can't be found anywhere unless you're underwater or in a monastery (insert your own silent situation here, my creativity is lacking.) So get used to it library goers.

Later that evening, my sister, my mom, and I decided to go get dinner.  So I took the TRAX down to town and waited for my sister to come pick me up from the station.  She pulled up and feeling like a cheap whore, I got in the car.  Dinner with these two is always a joyous event but it could have been made better by the one and only Kelsey Boyer but hey I take what I can get.

This is a picture my sister has in her apartment. I thought it was funny.

When Life Gives you Lemons, Paint that S*** Gold.

What a day. Where do I even begin!? I guess the beginning is a logical starting point.  Today was a day that will go down in history as one of the best days ever.

Daley, Talia, Madison, Jacob, Nicholas, Erin, and I began the day as normal muggles wishing to be wizards.  We were the kids who cried on our 11th birthdays because we didn't get a letter from Hogwarts.  Today was the day we got redemption.  We became Quidditch players. Many of you are probably wondering how this is possible, frankly I'm still wondering that myself.  To be honest Daley and I showed up to the park and were very skeptical about the whole situation.  A guy with a $70 toy broom, an old chubby referee, and a creepy guy with a camel pack and a pony tail greeted us and we were immediately put-off.  Expectations low, Daley and I picked up brooms and attempted to take the whole situation as seriously as everyone else was. I would attempt to explain the rules but if you're interested in knowing how to play or want to see exactly how ridiculous we looked playing go on YouTube and look up, "How to play Quidditch." What made the whole situation worse was not the fact that we were running around with toy brooms in between our legs but that we were in the park right next to Greek Row.  Ok so far I've been making the situation sound like absolute hell, but really once everyone else got there, we let our guard down, and ignored the various strangers filming us and really started having fun. So for those of you who are thinking about learning a new sport, you should check out Quidditch.  It is a lot more fun then one would expect and everyone can play, as long as you don't mind looking like a complete fool.

After a good day of pretending to fly it is always nice to come back to the dorm and immediately leave again for the Atmosphere concert.  I'm really so tired right now that I may pass out at any second, but i will continue for as long as I can.  For those of you who don't know who Atmosphere is you should really check them out.  Atmosphere is rap but not rap like drugs, sex, and ho's but real rap, in other words the lyrics are amazing.  Give them a listen.  The title of this blog is one of their albums, pretty great.  Anywho, my journey to the Venue started by boarding TRAX and making my way downtown.  The great thing about TRAX is that it is always a new adventure.  I always sit next to very eclectic people and overhear conversations that leave me wondering.  Today a drunk guy was saying how there are two kinds of fluffy: Ninja Fluffy and Midget Fluffy.  I would have asked him what this meant but I choose not to associate myself with strangers on TRAX especially this guy. When I got to the venue I met up with a bunch of my friends and proceeded to get frisked very throughly by the female security guard.  I feel it was a bit excessive and I won't go into detail until I have time to attend therapy.  The concert began and it was already going good.  Two good opening groups, several people getting taken away, a very large Samoan man, and being surrounded by a multitude sweaty people.  Not to mention it was hot as balls but that's what you submit to when you go to a concert.

Finally Atmosphere came on stage and the place went nuts.  Being in a huge crowd of drunk people, being one of those people, and letting go of any shred of dignity you have is truly the only way to feel alive.  After four hours of dehydrated greatness we went outside to get some air and water.  There we saw a really drunk fat guy pull off his shirt and yell at this girl.  The girl then proceeded to push the guy against a van and using a few choice words got him to walk away.  He tripped over a curb, almost got in a fight, and put his shirt back on by the time he made it to the car.  We then talked to the security guards about what they do with all the confiscated drugs.  Want to know what they do?  Well come on, what would you do? Better yet, what would Jesus not do?  Now you have your answer.

One last thing, when entering the dorm yesterday Daley and I saw a guy peeing on the corner of the building outside.  We live in Chapel Glen building 803, where you come to expect these things.

The greatest Quidditch players of all time (missing Erin.) Dicture of the day.

"Not only did she tell me she has a cock, but she wants me to suck it..."

In honor of the quidditch match tomorrow

Hellooooo again. yep, it is a friday night, and even KAYSVILLE was too crazy for me.

It all started when this girl I know, who calls herself my roommate, said tonight was going to be the best night of college. but she didn't really say that. The night did not disappoint, buuut it kinda did. What did you do, you ask? After a good solid 2 hour nap, we ate, and talked about... things. Then how about some good ol' GROCERY SHOPPING? I think so.
blah blah blah we ride up to kaysville and I get my POWER-T'S BACK!!! We played with fake boogers, looked at baby pictures, and caught up on the facebook. Then we watch youtube for quite a while. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Annnnnd that is my Friday night for you. Impressed? You should be. all 7 of you.

Some deep ponderings:

• Who names their kid Serge? Better yet, who honestly names their kid Pitbull?


• What goes down (HAH) in Southern Exposure? ...is it dirtier than Northern Exposure?


• Why are some people soooo dramatic about STUPID stuff no one cares about?


• Why doesn't the suitemate's friend like to wear underwear? :///////


• Why am I so addicted to blogging? and mints?


• How can I avoid all the bro partying going on at the dorms?


• Will Allie ever stop singing about ridin' sonny?

Stop squeezing my bread.

At the request of some choice people I have decided to write today.  I was going to skip writing today because not much has happened, yet.  But I work with what I got, and I gots a blog.  I don't know why "gots" has never been adopted into the dictionary as a real word because really I think it's just great.  My cuteness factor has definitely gone up 3 points. Count it!

Daley has been skimping on her writing. Not everyone wants to hear my mundane opinion all the time.  Daley if you're reading this you really got to get writing. All in favor say "I."  All opposed go jump in a lake.

What has happened today?  Friday in Salt Lake and I'm at a loss for words.  I took a math quiz and went to the gym. I did see Bozo the clown's father working out today.  You know what I'm saying, the red head clown that haunts childhoods?  Well picture this: Old stout man, with a tank top tucked into his short shorts, high white socks, and grey hair that only protruded from the sides of his head.  I wish I could have gotten a dicture.  Which is another thing that was bad about today, no dicture.  For those of you who do not know what a dicture is I will explain it's history.  My good friend... acquaintance, Saige coined the term to describe pictures of dicks.  So I started taking pictures of Saige and putting them in a dicture album (get it?).  The idea has since evolved to include any memorable thing that has happened this school year.  Gotta love Saige and her strange obsession with dicks.

I have been listening to album "Brothers" by The Black Keys non-stop.  Check it out. I love it.  If you are a fan of music or if you love enjoying life then listen to the album. I have to thank my good friend Eden for expanding my one meager song to the whole album.  Musical Genius right there. Eden if you are reading this, I love you.

The title of today's blog comes from Daley.  Remember the bread I bought yesterday at the Farmer's Market?  Well it's sitting in a paper bag in the food basket and Daley walks over, gives the bag a good squeeze, and then opens the closet.  I was left with a confused look on my face and exclaimed, "Daley stop squeezing my bread!"  Which taken out of context can be a little questionable, but then again anything can be taken as dirty now-a-days.

She doesn't even go here!

Hello blog followers! You are few but you are very appreciated. It's been another day at the University filled with laughs and snores. Today was extra special however because it is POWER-T Thursday. For those of you who do not know, a power-t is basically a tank top that all the douches wear to work out in. Every Thursday Daley and I honor these douches by sporting power-t's.  It's truly a momentous occasion.  Today I am wearing a red power-t that says "Ngaphui" on it.  I have no idea what this means but it might as well say "bad ass" cause that's how I feel when I wear it.

I just thought I would write right now that Daley is reading passage from her journal signed from Tom Riddle. We're HUGE Harry Potter fans. In fact we are going to go play Quittich this Saturday.  That's right. Believe it.

The U is always hosting a plethora of activities, yesterday it was Hemp Fest and today it was Oktoberfest and the Farmer's Market.  I bought bread from Volker's Grateful Bread.  It's so good but they only make appearances at Farmer's Markets so get on that ya hear?  And I bought a peach from a guy who couldn't understand anything I was saying.  But it didn't matter the incompetence of the man because his peaches were amazing.  Don't quote me on that questionable comment.  I then sat on the hill and people watched with my new friend Sadie.  It's like a freaking sport here.  It never gets boring.

I'm taking a class at the University called, "Bad Words and Taboo Terms."  I know what you're thinking and yes, it is an actual class.  Usually we talk about the "tabooness" of certain swear words and it gets quite monotonous.  Today was no exception except he gave us a list of euphemisms for the acts of "to shit," "to fuck," and "to masturbate." I hope you all know this blog is not for young ears, or I guess eyes. A euphemism is basically another way of saying a bad word only in a slightly less offensive manner.  So basically he gave us a list of 43 ways to say "to shit." 53 ways to say "to fuck." And 56 ways to say "to masturbate."  Giggles echoed around the classroom as such phrases as, "dropping the kids off at the pool," "I'd tap that," and "polishing the banister" were read out in class. Some people may think that hearing your 40-year-old professor talking about these things would be awkward, and to those who think that, you are absolutely correct.

After this particularly disturbing day of classes I retreated to my dorm and decided to watch one of the best movies of all time, "Mean Girls." hence the title of the blog.  Technically I was doing homework for my class because I need to find movie clips that define leadership. I didn't find any, but it was worth a try.  Dinner tonight was quite the occasion.  My food was knocked out of my hands and Sarah provided me with the quote of the day, no year.  "These is nothing us Jews like more then wrecking Christmas."  I was dying with laughter.  Sarah is Jewish by the way so don't think she is prejudice.

Oh by the way my suite mates are talking about tampons and how one of them has a "black lady ass" in the bathroom.  This is why Daley and I do not talk to the suite mates, ever.  And this is why they still don't know my name.

I would like to close out today's blog with a small shout out to some of my friends.  First of all Sara McDuskey, if you are reading this, I love you.  No one else can make a trip to the coffee house last two hours and also make it that much fun.  Date again soon? Please? And now to my best friend Ms. Erin Marie.  I love you dearly and you better be reading this.  Thank you for always being there to fight off the dementors with me.  If any of you are not understanding these Harry Potter references pick up the books, lock yourself in a room, and read until you are finished with all of them.

This is a picture Daley drew of Tom Riddle and the Baslisk. Dicture of the day.