I write today to address a serious issue that I’m having. I don’t know how many of you have been afflicted with this terribly wonderful website but I know that it takes up 95% of my time with the other 5% being sleep time. StumbleUpon. It’s a slippery slope and once you start stumbling you can’t stop (hence the stumbling) and the worst part is there is no anonymous support group like those alcoholics get. This problem is seriously contagious. Spread mainly through word of mouth and posting, StumbleUponitis can be spread to as many as 400 people a day. This number is of course dependent on how much you talk to your real life friends and how much you spam your Facebook friends (which are not real friends, Chris Hansen will tell you that). It’s a problem reaching the level of epidemic right next to poking and tweeting.
Have you ever caught yourself staring off into space and that space happens to be occupied by a person… Who is staring back? Maybe this only happens to me. I sometimes get so wrapped up in my thinking that I forget that I haven’t blinked or looked away from a person in a good 2 minutes. I have been thinking of a solution to this problem for a good month now and the only one I have come up with is pulling a “That’s So Raven” moment. After you realize what you’re doing, blink several times, shake your head, and say, “Cory’s in trouble!” then run off. This may make you look crazy but it could possibly get you a TV show.
Lately there have been several people around campus tabling on behalf of various efforts. All these people have one thing in common; they want to talk to me incessantly until I listen. I’ve come up with a solution to this problem too. Simply look at them and say, “I found Jesus. Have you?” Being at the U campus this would work about 85% of the time. If you are at a liberal arts college expect this to work almost 100% of the time but also expect to have very few friends. And if you go to a private institution (BYU) don’t even try this tactic. Just listen to the people or pretend you’re deaf. Of course knowing those over achievers at BYU they are probably all fluent in sign language. You can also apply this phrase to a lot of situations in life such as when you are at McDonald's. ("Do you want to Super Size that?" "Let me answer your question with another. Have you found Jesus?") God forbid you would be at McDonald's but I'm just spit balling ideas here.
Daley recently had a problem with a certain suite mate using her shampoo. What’s the solution to this problem? Voice a loud phone conversation in the bathroom stating how the shampoo works great and that almost all the crabs are gone.
Daley and I need to go grocery shopping. We currently have Saltines, peanut butter, jam, sketchy drinks, and wontons in our refrigerator. So if you have a good recipe using those ingredients please let me know immediately! We probably have a couple mints somewhere too so keep that in mind.
For those reading, please refrain from having an album on Facebook with the title, “Me!” or “Just Being Me” or “pIcS oF mE!!! :)” or any variation of that those. It’s your Facebook. We realize that you will have pictures of yourself. You don’t need to be so conceited to have 174 pictures of yourself in a bathroom, in a mirror, with your friends cropped out, or showing off every outfit you own. No one cares. It’s almost as bad as writing a blog. Almost but not quite.
And now for the grand finale! I hate when people use those damn headsets to talk on the phone. Especially in the library. People need to stop complaining about Utah weather. Mostly because the subject is taking over my News Feed and makes it hard to do some serious Facebook stalking. I feel bad for Rebecca Black. I think everyone forgets she is the scapegoat for the dumb ass who wrote the song and auto tuned it (if you don't know what I'm talking about see the "Friday" by Rebecca Black music video). And she is like 14. Making fun of a 14 year old is pretty rude. Pick on someone your own size like Ke$ha. Sometimes I complain about things and call it a blog. Without me what would you have done with the last 5 minutes of your life? Have a wonderful day and leave the library to talk on your phone.
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